The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy: Toon Edition
by Vivi Highwind
Summary: ... I might be back and then maybe I'm not...Re did chapters 2 and 3 Dil is now Athur instead of Tommy.
1. Prologue

The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy: Toon Edition

By Vivi Highwind

A/N: I have been reading this book lately and I've just become obsessed. If you have not read this I highly suggest you buy the first book of the ultimate one with all five in one. Also I highly suggest reading the book before you read this so as to not ruin the plot. Also at first I will be quoting a lot of the book but I will drift apart soon (I promise.)This chapter sets up the story. Currently I'm deciding on having Rugrats earth as the earth for this story but if you have an idea of who I could make Arthur into please tell me in a review also tell me if you have an idea for the Zaphod. (oh and Marvin too.)

Marvin: Oh yeah Thanks for including me… I'll be sulking off now

Disclaimer: Douglas Adams's The Ultimate Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy-published by the Random House publishing Group

Copy right dates for the series books as follows

THGTTG- 1979 by Douglas Adams

TRATEOTU- 1980 by Douglas Adams

LTUAE- 1982 by Douglas Adams

SLATFATF- 1985 by Douglas Adams

YZPIS- 1986 by Douglas Adams

MH- 1992 by Serious Productions

Ok here you go,

Far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the Western Spiral Arm of the Galaxy lies a small unregarded yellow sun.

Orbiting this at a distance of roughly ninety-eight million miles is an utterly insignificant blue-green planet whose ape-descended life forms are so amazingly primitive that they still think digital watches are a pretty neat idea.

This planet has-- or rather had--a problem, which was this: most of the people living on it were unhappy for pretty much of the time. Many solutions were suggested for this problem, but most of these were concerned with the movement of tiny pieces of paper some fashioned like cards, which was odd because on whole it wasn't the pieces of paper that were unhappy.

And so the problem remained; lots of people were mean, and most of them miserable, even the ones with digital watches.

Many were increasingly of the opinion that they'd all made a terrible mistake in coming down from their primitive tree habitats and down to earth in the first place. And some said that even those trees were a bad move and they shouldn't have even left their prehistoric oceans.

And then, one Thursday nearly two thousand years after one man had been nailed to a tree for saying how nice it would be to be nice for a change, a girl sitting on her own at Java Lava a small café in a town of little importance or so would I hope to the storyline suddenly realized what it was that had been going wrong all this time, and she really finally knew how the world could be made a good and happy place. This time it was right, it would work, and no one would need to or have to get nailed to anything.

Sadly, however, before she could get to a phone to tell anyone about it, a really terrible, really stupid catastrophe occurred, and the great idea was lost for ever.

This is not her story.

But it is the story of that terrible, stupid catastrophe and some of its consequences.

It is also the story of a wonderful book, a book called The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy—not an Earth book, never published on Earth, and until the terrible catastrophe occurred, never seen or even heard of by any half-wit or whole-wit Earthman.

Nevertheless, a wholly remarkable book.

In fact, it was probably the most remarkable book to come out of the great publishing corporations of Ursa Minor – of which no Earthman had ever heard of either.

Not only is it a wholly remarkable book, it is also a highly successful one—more popular than the celestial Home Care Omnibus, better selling than Fifty-three More Things to Do in Zero Gravity, and more controversial than Homer Simpson's trilogy of philosophical blockbusters, Where God Went Wrong, Some More of God's Greatest Mistakes and Who is This God Person Anyways?

In many of the more relaxed civilizations on the Outer Eastern Rim of the Galaxy, the Hitchhiker's Guide has already supplanted the great Encyclopedia Galactica as the standard repository of all knowledge and wisdom, for though it has many omissions and contain much that is apocryphal, or at least wildly inaccurate, it scores over the older, more pedestrian work in two important respects.

First it is slightly cheaper; and second, it has the words DON'T PANIC inscribed in large friendly letters on its cover.

But the story of this terrible stupid Thursday, the story of its extraordinary consequences, and the story of how the consequences are inextricably intertwined with this remarkable book begins very simply.

It begins with a house.

A/N: please review my work and share your views as to who my characters should be thank you for reading this first chapter.


	2. A House

The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy: Toon Edition

By Vivi Highwind

A/N: I have been reading this book lately and I've just become obsessed. If you have not read this I highly suggest you buy the first book of the ultimate one with all five in one. Also I highly suggest reading the book before you read this so as to not ruin the plot. Also at first I will be quoting a lot of the book but I will drift apart soon (I promise.)This chapter sets up the story. Currently I'm deciding on having Rugrats earth as the earth for this story but if you have an idea of who I could make Arthur into please tell me in a review also tell me if you have an idea for the Zaphod. (oh and Marvin too.)

Marvin: Oh yeah Thanks for including me… I'll be sulking off now

Disclaimer: Douglas Adams's The Ultimate Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy-published by the Random House publishing Group

Copy right dates for the series books as follows

THGTTG- 1979 by Douglas Adams

TRATEOTU- 1980 by Douglas Adams

LTUAE- 1982 by Douglas Adams

SLATFATF- 1985 by Douglas Adams

YZPIS- 1986 by Douglas Adams

MH- 1992 by Serious Productions

Ok here you go,

Chapter 2: A house.

The house stood on a slight rise just on the edge of the village. It stood on its own and looked over a broad spread of West Country farmland. At a first far away glance, it looked to be about thirty years old, squattish, squarish, made of brick, and had four windows set in the front of a size and proportion which more or less exactly failed to please the eye. But when one got close to the front one noticed very odd vivid designs in markings many saying,

BELIEVER LIVES HERE TAKE ME WITH YOU ALIENS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I LIKE DOLPHINS!!!!!!!!!!!!

AND MY FRIEND ZIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This was of course the most noticeable but there were also other signs standing around a few said things like "Save the dolphins!" and "Izzy was here!" but besides his signs and decorations the house was a bland color overshadowing everything from a distance.

The only person for whom the house was in any way special was Dill Pickles, and that was only because it happened to be the one he lived in. He had lived in it for about three years, ever since he had moved out of London. The reason was because it made him mad when people called him crazy and complained about his signs, he also always had a curious worried look on his face. He was about thirty as well, orange haired and never quite at ease with himself. The thing that used to worry him most was the fact that people always used to ask him what he was looking so worried about. He worked in local radio which he always used to tell his friends was a lot more interesting than they probably thought. It was, too — most of his friends worked in advertising.

It hadn't properly registered with Dil that the council wanted to knock down his house and build an bypass instead.

At eight o'clock on Thursday morning Dil didn't feel very good. He woke up tripped, got up, and tripped and realized his floor was wet... a line had burst. He found his slippers, and stomped off to the bathroom to wash.

Toothpaste on the brush — so. Scrub.

Shaving mirror — pointing at the ceiling. He adjusted it. For a moment it reflected a second bulldozer through the bathroom window. Properly adjusted, it reflected Dil Pickle's bristles. He shaved them off, washed, dried, and stomped off to the kitchen to find something pleasant to put in his mouth.

Kettle, plug, fridge, milk, coffee. Yawn.

The word bulldozer wandered through his mind for a moment in search of something to connect with.

The bulldozer outside the kitchen window was quite a big one.

He stared at it.

"Yellow," he thought and stomped off back to his bedroom to get dressed.

Passing the bathroom he stopped to drink a large glass of water, and another. He began to suspect that he was hung over. Why was he hung over? Had he been drinking the night before? He supposed that he must have been. He caught a glint in the shaving mirror. "Yellow," he thought and stomped on to the bedroom.

A/N: Do I need to say Read and Review for you to actually do it?


	3. Hungover

The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy: Toon Edition

By Vivi Highwind

A/N: I have been reading this book lately and I've just become obsessed. If you have not read this I highly suggest you buy the first book of the ultimate one with all five in one. Also I highly suggest reading the book before you read this so as to not ruin the plot. Also at first I will be quoting a lot of the book but I will drift apart soon (I promise.)This chapter sets up the story. Currently I'm deciding on having Rugrats earth as the earth for this story but if you have an idea of who I could make Dil into please tell me in a review also tell me if you have an idea for the Zaphod. (oh and Marvin too.)

Marvin: Oh yeah Thanks for including me… I'll be sulking off now

Disclaimer: Douglas Adams's The Ultimate Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy-published by the Random House publishing Group

Copy right dates for the series books as follows

THGTTG- 1979 by Douglas Adams

TRATEOTU- 1980 by Douglas Adams

LTUAE- 1982 by Douglas Adams

SLATFATF- 1985 by Douglas Adams

YZPIS- 1986 by Douglas Adams

MH- 1992 by Serious Productions

Ok here you go,

Chapter 3 Hungover.

He stood and thought. The pub, he thought. Oh dear, the pub. He vaguely remembered being angry, angry about something that seemed important. He'd been telling people about it, telling people about it at great length, he rather suspected: his clearest visual recollection was of glazed looks on other people's faces. He also remembered something vaguely of it being a Something about a new bypass he had just found out about. It had been in the pipeline for months only no one seemed to have known about it. Ridiculous. He took a swig of water. It would sort itself out, he'd decided, no one wanted a bypass, the council didn't have a leg to stand on. It would sort itself out. Not even aliens would want a bypass they'd just steer their rocket past a planet and continue forward. They just want to make more money or something don't even care that I've been living here for years.

God what a terrible hangover it had earned him though. He looked at himself in the wardrobe mirror. He stuck out his tongue. "Yellow," he thought. The word yellow wandered through his mind in search of something to connect with.

Fifteen seconds later he was out of the house and lying in front of a big yellow bulldozer that was advancing up his garden path.

Mr. E. Pangborn was, as they say, only human. In other words he was a carbon-based life form descended from an ape. More specifically he was forty, fat and shabby and worked for the local council. Curiously enough, though he didn't know it, he was also a direct male-line descendant of Genghis Khan, though intervening generations and racial mixing had so juggled his genes that he had no discernible Mongoloid characteristics, and the only vestiges left in Mr E. Pangborn of his mighty ancestry were a pronounced stoutness about the tum and a predilection for little fur hats.

He was by no means a great warrior: in fact he was a nervous worried man. Today he was particularly nervous and worried because something had gone seriously wrong with his job — which was to see that Dil Pickle's house got cleared out of the way before the day was out.

"Come off it, Mr Pickles,", he said, "you can't win you know. You can't lie in front of the bulldozer indefinitely." He tried to make his eyes blaze fiercely but they just wouldn't do it.

Dil lay in the mud and squelched at him.

"Mr. Pangborn your in charge of this?" Dill asked

"Yea, I moved here a few years ago I see you still haven't changed much?" He responded.

"Not too much but, I thought you died like what 5 years ago?" Dill smirked noticing that he looked much older than you did back when I was in Elementary school."

"Ha-ha no that was my brother actually. Now, give it up Dill. I'm afraid you're going to have to accept it," said Mr Pangborn gripping his fur hat and rolling it round the top of his head, "this bypass has got to be built and it's going to be built!"

"First I've heard of it," said Dil, "whys it going to be built?"

Mr Pangborn shook his finger at him for a bit, then stopped and put it away again.

"What do you mean, whys it got to be built?" he said. "It's a bypass. You've got to build bypasses."

Bypasses are devices which allow some people to drive from point A to point B very fast whilst other people dash from point B to point A very fast. People living at point C, being a point directly in between, are often given to wonder what's so great about point A that so many people of point B are so keen to get there, and what's so great about point B that so many people of point A are so keen to get there. They often wish that people would just once and for all work out where the hell they wanted to be.

Mr Pangborn wanted to be at point D. Point D wasn't anywhere in particular, it was just any convenient point a very long way from points A, B and C. He would have a nice little cottage at point D, with axes over the door, and spend a pleasant amount of time at point E, which would be the nearest pub to point D. His wife of course wanted climbing roses, but he wanted axes. He didn't know why - he just liked axes. He flushed hotly under the derisive grins of the bulldozer drivers.

A/N read and review it Please?


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